Another Typical SOS Day
by Alfonso Ling
Summary: Yuki reads, Koizumi plays a game, Mikuru serves tea. It's another typical SOS day. I DON'T THINK SO! After reading that setup one too many times, I decided I had to change it. The gang is in college now and everything is different in this sexy update!
1. Time for an Asahi-na Beer!

**Author's notes: How many times have we read (or written) a story where Kyon walks into the club room, sees Yuki reading, is challenged to a game by Koizumi, and is served tea by pretty maid Mikuru, all while Haruhi sits at her desk and growls? Too many times. So I tried to come up with a different scenario, adding a sexy twist. (Because that's the way I roll dammit!) This story is more subtle than "Got Me Hypnotized", my last quicky oneshot (which isn't saying much), but I hope you get a smile out it anyway. - Al Ling  
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><p><strong>Another Typical SOS Day<br>**

by Alfonso Ling

**Chapter One: Time for an Asahi-na Beer!**

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><p>As I walked along the quad after a rough day of classes, I realized something. The saying was true; the more things change the more they stay the same. We were in college now, all five SOS Brigade members attended the same school. And to no one's surprise Haruhi had managed to find a new SOS Brigade club room, a virtual copy of the one we had in high school. Even the building I was approaching looked similar. I guess there's something to be said for consistency.<p>

When I walked into the SOS Brigade club room I assumed it was going to be another typical day. As usual Yuki was sitting in the back corner by the window, watching Japanese-subtitled Korean romance shows on her iPad. As usual Koizumi was behind his Singer sewing machine, tailoring some new creation. It looked like he was sewing a shirt at the moment.

"Would you like a beer, Kyon?" Of course Miss Asahina was performing her bar tending duties.

As usual Mikuru was completely nude aside from her white high heels, red bunny ears, a red bow tie that held the detached white collar about her neck, and matching detached white cuffs that graced her wrists. I often laughed to myself thinking how easy it would be for Koizumi to fashion some clothes for the girl, at least a shirt to attach the detached collar and cuffs to. He'd offered several times. But we'd all gotten used to having our barmaid 99.99% naked and didn't feel the need to change at this point.

"Can you pour me an Asahi, Miss Asahina?"

"Sure!" Mikuru replied with that infectious smile.

I turned and watched her wiggle her firm bare bottom as she bent over to pour me the beer. For a small club room we had a very respectable selection; Asahi, Kirin, and Sapporo. The bar, standing in the place formerly occupied by Mikuru's tea set, was top notch. A shiny triple head tap jutted out of a silver counter that sat atop the fridge cooling three kegs, as well as some glasses. Again I laughed to myself. We'd come a long way from Miss Asahina's teas.

"How are my friends doing today?" I asked Mikuru as I studied her long lovely legs.

"Friends?" Mikuru walked over to the table and set the frosty mug of Asahi in front of me.

"You know," I said, looking up at her chest. "Elbee and Arbee."

Mikuru giggled and smiled. "Check for yourself."

I reached up and fondled Mikuru's perfect large breasts. In case you're wondering, Elbee meant literally the initials "L. B." for "Left Breast". I'm sure you can figure out what Arbee stood for. As I inspected Mikuru's friends she clasped her wrist behind her back and leaned forward. I squeezed her perfect globes together and planted two soft kisses on her nipples.

"Hey you two! Get a room!" Haruhi shouted, peeking around the screen sitting atop her commander's desk.

"I was just giving her a tip for good service!" I shouted back.

Mikuru straightened up with a cute smile and turned back toward the bar area. I gave her a light smack on the bum as she did.

Koizumi looked up from his sewing machine. "You know… I would be more than happy to sew up a blouse for Miss Asahina. It might improve Kyon's focus."

"SHUT UP!" Haruhi, Mikuru and I said nearly simultaneously. Seconds later Koizumi was getting pummeled by crumpled up balls of paper from me and Haruhi as well as some balled up wet napkins from the bar area.

"Mikuru's not changing out of that outfit!" Haruhi shouted. "Nothing says mo'e like a buxom nude bunny barmaid!" She stood up, walked to Mikuru and put her arm around her shoulders. "There's no other club on campus with a mascot like her!"

"I can not argue with that," Koizumi replied. He gathered up the paper thrown at him and tossed them into a nearby garbage can. "Still, I often find myself longing for a warm, fragrant cup of Miss Asahina's tea."

"Pour that boy a Sapporo," Haruhi said.

"Okay," Mikuru replied meekly. She crouched down to retrieve a chilled mug from the fridge.

Haruhi walked back to her desk while Mikuru topped off Koizumi's Sapporo draft at the tap.

"Thank you," Koizumi said as Mikuru set the beer down next to his Singer. Mikuru subtly bent forward and moved her large perfect breasts closer to Koizumi's face. Koizumi turned away. "No thanks." He slid his chair back and looked up into Mikuru's frown. "Not that they're not the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen in my life." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just not in the mood to play with your friends right now."

Mikuru's frown morphed into a sweet smile at the sincere compliment. She straightened and walked back to her post at the bar. As I watched the naked beauty return to her post, I couldn't help but notice a subtle difference in her walk. The swing in her hips was a tad more pronounced.

I quickly but carefully shifted my gaze back toward Koizumi. Oh yeah, his eyes were glued to Mikuru's ass. Was there something going on between these two? It explained a lot.

The rest of the club meeting was uneventful. Haruhi had been playing an online game of Go against some guy named Hikaru. Go is sort of a Japanese version of Chess, though Haruhi tells me it originated in China. It's played on a square board with pieces called stones that look like Mentos. I tried playing Haruhi at first, but she soon learned she'd have more competition if she randomly dropped stones over her back onto the board.

Lately, I'd been spending much of my time watching Haruhi play this game. It became my job to keep Haruhi's real Go board synchronized with the grid on her computer screen. As I did this I couldn't help but notice the silent dynamic occurring in front of my eyes back in the room. Mikuru sat on her bar stool, posing sexily as she cleaned her glasses and put them away. Knowing her audience had changed, she didn't crouch down now when she put the glasses back into the fridge. Instead she bent over at the hips, legs straight, ankles slightly spread, her bum high in the air facing the table, her breasts dangling - giving Koizumi an awesome view of, well... everything!

Then I watched Koizumi shake his head and sigh, trying his best not to look, keeping his eyes focused on the socks he was mending. But he could never quite manage it.

Finally it hit me. Something had to be done about this!

When club ended we packed up our things. Since Mikuru spent all of her club time naked now, Koizumi and I didn't have to leave the room when she changed back into her blouse and skirt. "Bye guys!" a clothed Mikuru waved with that big happy smile. As usual, she was the first to bolt through the door, followed closely by Yuki. Yuki kept her eyes glued to the iPad and her Korean romance show as she stepped into the hallway. She usually lost her wi-fi connection at the building's back door but picked it up again when she stepped into her dormitory.

I was usually next, stumbling out the door with an equally inebriated Haruhi - during a standard club meeting we'd usually throw back a dozen drafts between the two of us. But this time I decided to lag behind, waiting for both Haruhi and Yuki to clear out of the room first. Haruhi was in great spirits having kicked Hikaru's butt in today's Go game. She had no problem leaving without me.

Because he always had so much sewing crap to clean up, Koizumi was always the last to leave.

"Are you waiting for me?" he asked, noticing my uncharacteristic sluggishness.

"I am," I said. I held the door open for him as he stepped out. Koizumi locked the dead bolt with his key. "Would you mind if I walked with you?"

Koizumi shrugged. "That's fine." We started our trek down the hall toward the stairs. "What's on your mind?"

I came right out and said it. "You've got to confess to Mikuru! You've just got to! You two are in love!"

"What are you talking about?" Koizumi protested.

"Come on, dude. I see the way she's different around you, the way she swings her hips, the way she flashes you."

"In case you haven't noticed," Koizumi replied, "Mikuru spends all her club time completely naked. She flashes everyone!"

"And I see the way you struggle with that! Always cranky, always wanting to cover her up. It's so obvious, man."

Koizumi took a deep breath, then let out an equally deep sigh. "I didn't know I was being so obvious."

I patted Koizumi on the back. "Tell her how you feel, guy. You won't be sorry."

"My closet at home is filled with outfits I've made for her." Koizumi continued looking down at the floor as he told me this. "You know, getting her tops right isn't easy. Properly tailoring a blouse around those enormous mounds is quite a challenge."

"You mean Elbee and Arbee?"

Koizumi frowned. "It makes me jealous when you play with them."

"Don't be mad at me!" I shot back. "It's all on you, buddy! If you're not going to step up and let Mikuru know how you feel, you'll get no pity from me."

Koizumi nodded his head. "Thank you, Kyon. You are correct. I have no room to complain if I choose to remain a coward." I could see his posture changing. He started walking with resolve. "You're a good friend."

"So what are you going to do?" I asked.

"I'm going to her place. I'm going to tell her how I feel."

"Right on," I said, nodding my head as if I'd accomplished something. "Right on."

That night and the following day, I couldn't get those two out of my thoughts. Frankly, I was more than a little worried Koizumi was going to screw everything up. Instead of stopping at my dorm room after classes ended, I rushed right over to the club room. I had to know how things turned out.

When I opened the club room door I was surprised to find Koizumi all alone sitting behind his sewing machine. He had a strange expression on his face.

"How did it go?" I asked.

Koizumi just held up his hand. His face looked as if he was in pain. He let out a gasp of air and rested his forehead on his Singer as he grasped the sewing machine's sides with both hands. "OH BOY!" he said, breathing rapidly. "OH MY! AHHHHHHHH!"

"What's wrong with you, dude?"

That's when I heard somebody giggling underneath the table. First I saw the bunny ears, then a gorgeous mane of long red hair as barmaid Mikuru rose from underneath the tabletop, her body unclothed, her cheeks red as she wiped some fluid off of her chin. "Hi Kyon," she finally managed to say after swallowing down the contents of her mouth.

"Hi Mikuru," I replied with a knowing smile.

I heard Koizumi pull up his zipper. When I turned toward the sound, Koizumi ignored me. He nonchalantly continued sewing the seam of a blouse he was working on. "Everything is fine," he finally said without looking up. "In fact, everything is fantastic."

I turned back toward Mikuru, now at the other side of the room. She winked as she gulped down a swig of beer to wash down the fluid Koizumi had just provided her. Then she stepped up to me and kissed me on the cheek, pressing Elbee into my arm. "Thank you, Kyon," she whispered into my ear.

Koizumi's girlfriend never got to wear the new clothes he made for her, at least not during club meetings. There was no way Haruhi was going to let Mikuru give up her nude barmaid gig! And being a gentleman, I kept my hands off of Elbee and Arbee, at least while Koizumi was watching.

To tell the truth, I wasn't exactly deprived. All those times Haruhi and I stumbled out of the club room after a heavy drinking session... well we didn't go to her dorm room to play more Go, if you know what I mean.

But that's another story!


	2. Biting the Bullet

**Author's Notes: Sometimes I have so much fun with my version of a character that I have to keep them around a little longer. In Chapter One, I took Haruhi's sexy mascot logic to its extreme. I imagined Mikuru as a buxom nude bunny barmaid, and fell in love. So I decided to extend this oneshot with another chapter. In this edition of "Another Typical SOS Day", Mikuru learns that nude bartending comes with its own unique set of challenges. Fortunately she has a good friend in Kyon, who's ready and willing to help her. - Al Ling**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Biting the Bullet<strong>

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><p>I was spacing through an Accounting 101 lecture, dreading life when Mikuru's text message vibrated my smart phone. The message read, <em>"Bad news. Need cigar again!"<em>

I laughed under my breath. Would that girl ever learn?

_"Got box full!"_ I texted back a minute later, trying hard to keep my actions hidden since texting during class was frowned upon. _"Count on me."_

_"3PM?"_ came her reply.

I checked wall clock. It read 1:55. No problem. Class was winding down. _"I'll be there!"_ I reply-texted with a wide smile on my face. Yes, for Mikuru Asahina needing a cigar was bad news. For me, not so much. All of a sudden my day had gotten way more interesting!

I checked my smart phone's calendar. Today's SOS Brigade club meeting was scheduled to start at 5 PM. Since our college class schedules weren't as structured as those at North High, our club meeting times weren't either. A 3 PM meeting time gave Mikuru and me two full hours to take care of business.

The walk across campus was invigorating. Though most buildings were different, I still couldn't get over how similar the building housing our club room was to the one we had at North High. I opened the rear door and scaled the steps to the third floor.

When I stepped through the club room door, I was very pleased to see my favorite buxom nude bunny barmaid at her post. "Thanks for coming early, Kyon," Mikuru said with a bright happy smile as she adjusted one of her bunny ears. She motioned to the silver beer tap. "Can I pour you a beer?"

"Sure. The usual would be fine."

"One Asahi draft, coming right up!"

When Mikuru turned toward the bar and bent forward to pour the draft, I stepped up behind her. "How are Elbee and Arbee today?" I asked as I reached around her body and cupped her amazing breasts. After three frustrating years in high school, it was a blast to have nearly unlimited access to these babies now, so I took advantage of every opportunity I had.

"They're fine." Mikuru wiggled her firm bare bottom into my package as I squeezed. "They kind of miss playing with you."

"You're dating Koizumi now," I replied, "so I've got to be a little more circumspect." I playfully pinched her nipples by moving my index and middle fingers together. "You know how he gets."

"Hey Buddy!" Mikuru gasped. "Is that a wrench in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

"Sorry," I said, releasing her globes and stepping back. "You know how I get."

Mikuru topped off the beer and turned. She shot me a knowing wink as she handed me the mug. "It was kind of cute watching Itsuki's face get all red when you used to do that… back before he confessed to me."

"Are you two still doing okay?" I asked.

"Oh sure." Mikuru nodded. "We're fine. You know how he is though... always kind of prim and proper."

"And that's why I am here!" I opened my arms and bowed like a prince.

"You're a good friend, Kyon."

"You know why you get these flare-ups, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." Mikuru sighed. "You've told me a hundred times." She patted the steel counter resting atop the refrigerator. "It just feels so nice, though. I don't even realize I'm doing it!"

Mikuru had developed an unhealthy addiction to the feeling of the counter's cold hard steel against her firm warm butt cheeks. Breathing warm air over the shiny fridge door usually revealed several imprints of Mikuru's glorious bottom. Personally, I loved the way her habit reddened and chilled her cheeks. Unfortunately, the habit also caused her hemorrhoids to flare up in a major way.

"I bet your inflamed little butthole doesn't feel so nice, though, does it?" I said.

The nude beauty raised her knee high and rubbed her bum with a frown. "No. What I'm feeling down there right now isn't very pleasant… at all!"

When it came to dealing with her hyper-inflamed hemorrhoids, Mikuru had two options. Her first option was to stop leaning up against the damned bar counter for a couple weeks and allow her poor little butthole to heal on its own. She'd tried this method in the past with little success. The chilly metal surface proved too large a magnet for Mikuru's hot little buns.

Her second option was medication. The special hemorrhoid medication Yuki had helped her acquire worked quickly and thoroughly. One quick treatment and her butt was back to normal. Unfortunately this one treatment hurt like a motherfucker!

Those were the choices. Two weeks of major self-control versus roughly ten minutes of excruciating pain. Not surprisingly Mikuru always chose the pain.

"Did you bring the medicine?" I asked.

Mikuru pointed to a package on the table. "Yes I did. Did you bring the cigar?"

I pulled the cigar out of my pocket and set it on the table. "You know it."

When it came to helping Mikuru beat back her hemorrhoids, I was a veteran. Since flare-ups occurred with a remarkable regularity – once every three or four months - we pretty much had the process down to a science. The cigar was an integral part of this process. As you may have guessed, this cigar wasn't a normal cigar. It wasn't a Cuban that someone could light up and puff on.

"I really hate this!" Mikuru said. She pressed her hands into her face and sighed. When she lowered her hands she gave me the sweetest heart-melting smile because my disappointed-parent face was staring back at her. "I know, I know… it's all my fault."

The exchange reminded me of just how lucky I was to be Mikuru's friend. I shook my head and chuckled.

It always amazed me how much beauty can be concentrated into one person. The college version of Mikuru Asahina was breathtaking. Having met her future self, I knew this would be the case. Still, her beauty floored me. Mikuru not only had a beautiful face… and a magnificent mane of red hair… and incredible breasts… and superb long legs… leading up to that spectacular, though somewhat inflamed, posterior. She also had the sweetest, most wonderful personality. As the result of some miracle, probably her association with Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru's beauty never got to her head.

Let me add that the physical attribute list I just shared is not complete. Despite her perpetual state of undress while in the club room, Mikuru had two attributes that remained somewhat hidden. Naturally I'm referring to her superb vagina, matched with the cutest little butthole in Japan.

Those first physical items I mentioned were always on open display. Being Mikuru's personal hemorrhoid medicine administrator got me up close and personal with those last two amazing features.

"Are you ready?" I asked the nervous barmaid, before taking a good sized pull on my beer.

"Not yet." Mikuru turned and poured herself a Sapporo. "Let's finish a beer or two together first."

"Sure," I smiled. I sat down in my chair at the table while Mikuru stood next to me - sitting on anything wasn't a good option for her at the moment. I looked her up and down. "The workout regimen Haruhi has you on is really working for you. Your body looks incredibly fit."

"Thanks, Kyon. Haruhi and I work out together every morning. That girl really puts me through the paces! I have a hard time keeping up with her." Mikuru giggled. "To be honest, I really can't keep up with her. But I try!" I nodded with understanding. I knew from firsthand experience that Haruhi was incredibly fit. Mikuru ran her hand over the subtle muscle line extending from between her breasts down to her belly button. "I'm a little concerned about getting too much definition in my abdominal muscles. A six pack looks great on a guy, but it's not as flattering on a girl."

I had to laugh… the things that matter when you spend much of your day nude and on display! To be fair, Haruhi's abs _did_ look more pronounced; her six-pack looked good on her. But Mikuru and Haruhi were different types of girls. Reaching college age had made their differences more pronounced. Let me try to explain.

Haruhi Suzumiya was HOT. Smoking hot! Playboy centerfold hot!

Mikuru Asahina was BEAUTIFUL. Classically so. Mikuru was the girl you'd see depicted at the Louvre in a sculpture or reclining on a couch in a painting. She was a work of art.

And I think this was by Haruhi Suzumiya's design. She had a mental image of what Mikuru, the SOS Brigade's buxom nude bunny barmaid, was to become, and Mikuru filled it to a "T".

Let me add for the record that Yuki Nagato was quite attractive as well, though in that sexy, quiet librarian sort of way. All three of the SOS Brigade ladies were head turners.

I could tell the second Sapporo was having an effect on Mikuru when she turned around, bent over, and asked, "Kyon, how does it look down there? Be honest."

I put down my beer, leaned forward, and placed my hands on her butt cheeks. I spread them a bit and took a look inside. Damn, that cute little butthole was adorable! And, yes, it was swollen and red.

"It looks painful," I said. "Are you feeling up to fixing it?"

Mikuru winced and clenched as I moved my index finger down her butt crack toward the swelling. "I don't know."

I lightly smacked her bottom. "Let's get it over with," I said. "In ten minutes you'll feel like a new girl."

Mikuru shut her eyes and made a sad face. "But those ten minutes are murder!"

"I'll go get the tape." I rose from my seat and walked toward the closet.

Mikuru nodded. She chugged down the rest of her beer, then turned and laid her fingertips on the tabletop.

I returned from the closet with a crate, a pair of scissors and a roll of three inch wide packing tape. I stepped up behind Mikuru, set the crate on the ground, and laid the scissors on the table.

Mikuru pulled her white detached wrist cuffs forward so she could grip them with her hand. Common sense might have dictated removal of the cuffs, collar, bunny ears and high heels. However, Mikuru was insanely proud of her barmaid outfit. It was always immaculate; there was never a spot on her clothing (as it were), never a scuff mark on her shoes, never a hair below the neck line left unshaved. Her bunny ears were never bent, her bow tie was always perfectly formed. Going without any of these costume items would have made her feel naked!

Mikuru stood up straight and grabbed her elbows behind her back. I started wrapping the tape around her forearms like a tube, welding them together. "Is this too tight?" I asked.

"The tighter the better."

It took me about two minutes to finish. "Is that good?" I slid the detached cuffs back toward her wrists till they hit the tape tube.

Mikuru turned toward me. She fluttered out her fingers and tried to free her arms. "I'm not getting out of this any time soon. Awesome job as always!"

I picked the cigar off the table. I guess I haven't fully explained the cigar yet. As you may have guessed, it wasn't a real cigar. Actually it was a dog's chew toy shaped like a cigar. Don't worry; this cigar never saw a dog's mouth. I bought it strictly for Mikuru. The semi-hard rubber cylinder was the perfect thing for Mikuru to bite down on when I administered the medicine.

Binding the nude girl's arms high up behind her back insured that Mikuru couldn't fight me or swat my hands away as I administered the medicine, while the cigar helped her manage the pain. Unfortunately the cigar did nothing to muffle Mikuru's cries. Fortunately the club room's walls and door were pretty thick.

I'd poked holes through the ends of the cigar toy and run a shoestring through them. "Open wide." Mikuru complied. I laid the cigar on her tongue lengthwise like a horse's bit. I tied the shoestring in a bowknot behind her head to keep the rubber cigar in place. "All done."

Mikuru bit into the cigar and smiled sweetly around it.

"This isn't going to hurt a bit," I lied as I playfully pinched her nipples.

"Wye wiff!" Mikuru replied with wide eyes, which I translated as "I wish!"

"Yeah, it's gonna hurt like a sonuvabitch!" I moved my hands down to her hips. "So let's get it over with."

Mikuru nodded as I turned her. "Oooooowwwww!" she complained when I helped her bend over the table.

"Oh come on! I haven't even touched you yet!"

Mikuru giggled as her breasts and belly compressed into the tabletop. I helped her spread her legs wide.

"That's perfect!"

I lifted the medicine box up off the table. After sliding the crate over with my foot and sitting down on it, I scooted forward until I was sitting directly between Mikuru's legs at the optimum height. "Wow," I sighed as I inspected her butthole and vagina up close once again.

I ripped open the medicine box and checked its contents. As always it contained a silver tube of ointment and a pickle shaped applicator. I picked up the tube, removed the cap, and sniffed. Considering the amount of pain this stuff was about to induce, it smelled really good. I picked up the pickle. It was a rather flimsy hollow plastic thing that didn't have much weight to it. It _was_ lightly ribbed, I'll give it that.

Mikuru's legs and butt were tense, and she was crying. And I hadn't even touched her yet!

I placed a dab of the clear ointment on my index finger. The whole tube was destined to go into her and this was the first small bit. This stuff always felt surprisingly cool to the touch. "Here it comes!" I moved my finger into Mikuru's widely spread cheeks.

The instant the ointment made contact with her butthole, Mikuru bucked and screamed. Instinctively she tried to close her legs, but they were blocked by my thighs. "Uh-uh," I said. I spread my legs open forcing Mikuru's legs wide apart again. Mikuru whimpered and bucked as I applied more ointment with a slow circular motion. Her poor little anus was very hard.

It usually took a couple minutes of rubbing for Mikuru's butthole to loosen up. For some reason it seemed to take a little longer than usual today - though we were still making much better progress than our longest hemorrhoid-clearing session. That one occurred last winter; Mikuru had let things get really bad and the process took nearly half an hour.

As I anointed the inflamation, the helpless girl shook and growled, then whimpered and cried… all the while biting down hard on the cigar. It reminded me of the saying, "You've got to bite the bullet!" I understand that the saying came from the old days when someone getting a limb amputated was told to bite down on a lead bullet while the procedure was performed. They must have had very hard teeth back then.

In case you're wondering, we did try the procedure using a topical anesthetic once, but that didn't work. It seems the body's reactions and contractions to the pain were an integral part of the super rapid healing process. I'd never seen Mikuru so angry with herself when we had to repeat the procedure the next day. It really took a lot out of her. Doing this once every few months was already pushing her limits.

After five minutes of ointment application, I knew Mikuru's butthole was ready for the second step. By this time she'd adapted to the current level of pain. The next step required me to insert my finger inside her and apply the ointment deeper.

"Okay… step two," I said as I went in.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed and bit down hard. I looked up. Mikuru's arms were tense, her fists were clenched, her back arched. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed again when I twisted my ointment-coated index finger deeper inside her. Level two was rough, but there wasn't much we could do about it. I fought Mikuru's anal muscles as they tried to close in on me and pinch me off. I welcomed the battle as part of the process.

The final step, step three, the pickle, was still coming up. I could feel Mikuru's ass tiring… and widening. I checked the tube of ointment - still half full. It would soon be time to insert the pickle. I knew Mikuru dreaded step three. "It feels like someone's shoving a red hot poker up my bum," she once told me.

I could tell Mikuru was struggling. The procedure often took less than the ten minutes we'd already invested. Judging from the condition of her anus, though, I knew we'd be at this an extra five minutes at least.

Mikuru was breathing rapidly. She knew what was next. "It's time to insert the applicator," I told her. I put some ointment on the tip of the pickle to start the process.

When I placed the tip of the pickle up against Mikuru's butthole, I was knocked off guard by her powerful reaction. She instinctively pulled her legs into her body, trying to curl up into a ball for protection. I wasn't ready for it. Mikuru lost her footing and started sliding backwards off the table. I lost my balance on the crate and felt myself falling backwards as well. With her arms taped behind her back Mikuru had no way to stop herself as she slid toward me.

"OOF!" I fell off the crate, my butt hitting the floor. "OH DAMN!" I could see Mikuru falling back toward me… then "OOOHHHH!" WHAM! She landed down on top of me, her butt planting directly on my chest. The pickle hit the ground and bounced a couple times before stopping near the table leg.

When the dust cleared, I was on the floor, on my back, knees up. Mikuru was sitting up straight on my chest, her legs spread wide to the sides, her taped arms hugging her hair to her back.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Mikuru turned back toward me and nodded. "Uh huh," she said around the cigar.

"I didn't see that coming," I told the naked beauty seated on top of me.

I started laughing. Mikuru laughed as well. I managed to help her stand and stood up next to her. She turned to me with teary but bright eyes. She'd taken the accident pretty well. Then again, I did act as a very effective cushion.

"We've got to finish the procedure," I said, "and quickly."

Mikuru gave me a determined nod. "Uh huh." She knew what was at stake. She definitely did _not_ want to start the process over again, especially now that we were so far through it.

I returned the nod. "Here," I said, reaching for her bunny ears. "Let me fix those." One of them had gotten a little bent.

"Fwank Woo," she said.

Mikuru turned toward the table. I helped her as she bent over to get back into position. When I turned to retrieve the crate…

_CRUNCH! _

I stepped on the pickle, crushing it into a million pieces.

"Oh shit, Mikuru. I just destroyed the applicator." Mikuru let out a sad whine. "Don't worry, I'll think of something." I started looking around. "Do you have another box?"

Mikuru shook her head. "Uh-uh."

"Damn!" What was I going to do? I looked down at Mikuru's bum; I could almost feel it contracting. If I didn't resume the process within five minutes, we'd lose all the ground we'd already gained.

I looked down at the pieces of busted applicator pickle on the floor. Then back at Mikuru's bum. In order to complete the process I needed to find some sort of makeshift applicator. Something that was cylindrical, long and hard, preferably with a rounded tip.

Don't think I don't know what you're all thinking!

To tell the truth, the thought crossed my mind, too. My cock was certainly hard enough. Let's be honest, it had been from the start. The problem was that I wasn't about to put that ointment on my cock. I had no idea what it would do to me there. My far less sensitive finger often tingled for weeks! Considering what this stuff did for Mikuru, there was a chance my cock would be numb for months, and the Brigade Leader would not stand for that! Also, the pickle applicator was lightly ribbed. I don't know how important ribbing was to the procedure, but I didn't want to fuck this up.

Then it hit me! I could do this… if Mikuru played along. I ran to Haruhi's desk and rummaged through her drawer. Before she had her IUD installed, Haruhi and I frequently used condoms. All types of condoms. I was pretty sure she'd still have a few left in her drawer.

BINGO! I found them. A box of Trojans. And they were ribbed!

I walked back to the table. "Mikuru, would it be okay with you if I used my penis as an applicator? I can cover myself with one of these ribbed condoms. I'll be a bit bigger than the pickle, but I'm sure it won't be any more painful at this point."

Mikuru giggled and nodded her head immediately. She had absolutely no problem with it. So I kicked the crate out of the way and took off my pants and boxers; which I neatly folded and set on the bookshelf. After rolling a ribbed condom onto my cock, I liberally coated it with the ointment. Then I stepped up behind Mikuru.

"Okay," I said. "Try to relax. We're going to get through this."

Mikuru took a deep breath and did her best to relax. As I feared, the going was a little rough at first. Mikuru was very tight. Somehow I managed. Once again, her shoulders tensed and her fists clenched as I slowly pushed my applicator further into her ass. She didn't scream, though. Her eyes were clamped shut as she focused on biting down on the cigar.

I slowly moved myself deep inside the girl, and then just as slowly back out. I could feel the condom's ribs rubbing against her. Though I sensed she was still experiencing intense pain, her muscles seemed to be relaxing. Soon I was working her with a nice even rhythm, one that seemed to work optimally for both of us. Once in a while I'd pull out of her and add ointment to my cock. Her body was absorbing the medicine quickly and completely. To be honest, this new method was working far better than the pickle ever had. The warmth emanating from my penis seemed to be making quite a difference.

I looked down at the tube. It was empty now. And I was about ready to burst! On my end, this process was ridiculously pleasurable. When I looked down at the table I was surprised to see that Mikuru was leaking as well. Juices were flowing from her vagina. At another level, she was feeling the same thing I was!

As I felt myself about to explode, I reached around and maneuvered my fingers over her clitoris. When I rubbed it, Mikuru shook like she'd been struck by a bolt of lightning! "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed with an arched back as a colossal orgasm possessed her body. I could feel Mikuru's insides convulsing; she was sucking me in, her ass gripping me like she was hanging on for dear life!

"OHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIT!" I shouted in response to the amazing sensations; I started climaxing powerfully as well.

Wave after wave of pleasure swept over us. The ground seemed to shake, the lights flickered. I thought I was going to pass out!

When the tremors finally subsided, we were both thoroughly exhausted. But the procedure was complete.

Was it a success, though?

I carefully pulled my cock out of Mikuru, removed the condom, and wiped myself clean. Then I knelt down behind Mikuru and cleaned her as I inspected her. I was pleased to see that her butthole looked perfect. Nice and pink. No redness at all. Yuki's miracle medicine had worked its magic once again.

"How do you feel?" I asked. I helped Mikuru stand and removed the cigar from her mouth.

"You did it, Kyon," Mikuru said, looking down at the ground with big shy eyes. Her face was blushing bright red. "I feel wonderful."

"Everything looks ship shape down below," I replied. "Let's get that tape off your arms." I put my hands on Mikuru's hips and tried to turn her.

Mikuru resisted my guidance. She lifted her chin and looked me deep in the eyes. I realized immediately that I hadn't quite finished the procedure yet. Instead of turning her, I pulled the glowing naked bunny girl close and wrapped my arms around her waist. We tilted our heads to the side and our lips came together. Mikuru moaned happily as our mouths fused and our tongues intertwined for several minutes.

Her beaming magical smile greeted me when we finally parted. "Thank you, Kyon," she said. Then, "Oh my!" She looked down.

Mikuru was bare, I was bottomless, and we'd just shared an amazing kiss. I was a normal college guy. What do you _think_ happened?

"It's a safe day for me, today," Mikuru said softly.

Seizing the moment, I bent her over the table again and slid my cock deep inside of her vagina. I looked down at the amazing girl I was fucking with a warm smile on my face. Though her arms were still tightly bound behind her back, her hands were relaxed, her fingers fluttering. The tension in her shoulders and neck were gone as well. Mikuru was moaning agreeably.

It was quite a contrast.

We slowly ramped up to two more of the most amazing, incredible and wonderful orgasms we'd ever had in our lives.

* * *

><p>"Hey Mikuru!" Haruhi shouted two hours later as she studied the digital Go board. "Get me another Kirin!" Haruhi turned to me and tapped on the computer screen. "I got him on the run. There's no way the little bastard's gonna beat me now."<p>

I nodded, mostly to make Haruhi happy. I was sitting next to her at the commander's desk again, synchronizing the digital and real Go boards. I had no idea whether or not the player on the other side was panicking or not.

"Another Asahi for you, Kyon?" our lovely nude barmaid asked after filling Haruhi's glass and setting it on a tray.

"I'll have another if Koizumi has another."

Koizumi looked over his sewing machine and lifted his mug. "Sign me up!" he said.

Even Nagato raised her hand. "Another Sapporo please."

Mikuru served us our beers with a bright cheerful smile. And no, I did not touch Elbee or Arbee when she served me my Asahi, though I watched her bum closely as she walked back to her post at the bar, empty tray in hand.

Knowing I was watching her, Mikuru set the tray on her stool. She leaned backwards and gripped the bar counter with both hands. Then she winked at me as she pressed her firm bare bottom into the refrigerator door… and wiggled it.


End file.
